I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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