he puts the penis in happiness.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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