every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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