I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize