i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
