drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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