I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Drake has all the answers
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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