She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
