Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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