This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
