dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
