My underwear smells like fireworks.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
