Your face is a jimmy john
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
