His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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