It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
