is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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