She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
