We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
