what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
