i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
