I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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