You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
