Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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