Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
