I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
