I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
