Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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