My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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