chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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