i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
no, he came in my armpit
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
