i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
