I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
