so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
