he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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