she was so not down for the gang bang
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
