I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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