Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
