wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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