Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
