wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
