my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
