Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
