some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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