my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
