You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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