I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
