I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize