Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
