They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
