Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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