It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize