sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
