I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
