So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
