At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize