My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
