I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
