It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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