i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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