During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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