so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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