you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
