By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Life is so much better after having sex.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
