Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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