i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
